10 Other Commandments to Live by

Someone sent me the below "10 commandments to live by" last week...I thought it was sent to me at the right time since I was quite upset with my hubby. Infact these are common things that we all know, but whether we practice them is another different story. To me, this came as a good reminder....What about you?

1. You shall not worry, for worry is the most unproductive of all human activities.


2. You shall not be fearful, for most of the things we fear never come to pass.


3. You shall not carry grudges, for they are the heaviest of all life's burdens.


4. You shall face each problem as it comes. You can only handle one at atime anyway.


5. You shall not take problems to bed with you, for they make very poor bedfellows.


6. You shall not borrow other people's problems. They can better carefor them than you.


7. You shall not try to relive yesterday for good or ill, it is forevergone. Concentrate on what is happening in your life and be happy now!


8. You shall be a good listener, for only when you listen do you hearideas different from your own.


9. You shall not become "bogged down" by frustration, for 90% of it is rooted in self-pity and will only interfere with positive action.


10. You shall count your blessings, never overlooking the small ones, for a lot of small blessings add up to a big one.

It's so true that we always take life for granted, take God for granted, take our happiness for granted, take all our blessings for granted, take our health for granted, isnt it? I hope the above will serve as good reminder to you too!

Putting life on one single bet

When u embark on a “till-death-do-us-part” journey with the “so called” right one, you are taking a big risk, as though putting your whole life on one single bet on the gambling table…

Do u feel so?

I think I do. And I surely went into marriage thinking & hoping that this is it and he will be the right person for the rest of my life, till death do us part.

My friend S is not as lucky. She’s married for 5 years or so, now with 2 kids, and she’s filing for divorce. I felt sad for her and I’m trying every single effort to help her whenever & wherever I can.

I’ve seen her effort trying to patch the relationship with her hubby by repeatedly giving him chances to change or improve. They have also gone through the Christian counseling sessions with the pastor…but he doesn’t seem to realize and acknowledge the problem and so not putting any effort to improve it. So S decided to put a stop to the relationship and now filing for divorce.

From what I know about S and her husband, they are loving couple, doing well in terms of their careers too. More so with the 2 kids around, I always thought S has a perfect happy family! Until I heard about her problems recently, that her husband was actually getting more & more violent towards the family, being very suspicious too, her life has turned miserable.

Without much choice, now S is divorcing her husband. She now has to stay with the 2 young kids and a maid. Husband will come to pick up the kids every Friday evening and send them back on Sat to spend some time with them, if he wants to.

See…S is only in her early thirties, to spend rest of her life without a husband & with 2 young kids is not gonna be easy. But when she married the husband after some 2 years of dating, she didn’t realize there’s such problem. Few years down the road after marriage & after given birth to 2 babies, everything seems to have changed….

That’s what I meant by saying putting whole life on one single bet on the gambling table when we decided to marry someone…because few years down the road, if anything bad happens like S, where there are already 2 kids around, it’s highly unlikely that she will go for another marriage….

Handling difficult people at work

Difficult people and situations exist in every work place. These people in particular, sometimes can cause tremendous stress directly or indirectly to those people working with them.

Dealing with difficult people is easier when the person is just generally obnoxious or when the behavior affects more than one person. Dealing with difficult people is much tougher when they are attacking you or undermining your professional contribution.

These people are usually well too arrogant. No matter what anyone says or does, this person will force their ideas on everyone else. There can be no open discussion or involvement. Things MUST be done this person’s way or else.

I just had very good experience working with one of these people in my previous project. His main problem is, he will never listen. And what made it worse was, he’s the “owner” of this project and so he’s like the boss! To him, everyone else are just the supporting actors & actresses, he’s the only person to make this deal happen! He likes to instruct and does not take suggestions (at least not from me). Maybe he does accept suggestion when it comes from someone else and not me, cause to him I’m just an admin person not adding much value to the whole project. So then throughout the period working on this project, I can sense that my work & effort were not being appreciated.

I did have few fights with him, trying to explain certain processes to him, and trying to make him understand the practicality, but he refused to. When he works over the weekend, he’s expecting everyone else to work over the weekend without advance notice. Some of us, being on the job, have had certain expectation to work long hours or even over the weekend, but what about other people involved along the process?

Anyhow, the nightmare is now over, and I really hope I wont need to work with this person again. And from the experience, I did get some tips for dealing with people like this, so am sharing them with u….

1. When you see someone go into attack mode or excess defensiveness, recognize that it is useless to argue with them.
2. Realize that the person is feeling very insecure at that time.
3. Don’t continue to push them because they will only get worse.
4. If the symptoms only seem to occur when the person is under stress, wait until another time to pursue the discussion.
5. If they are always overly defensive or always attacking others, you may need to find another person with higher authority or someone this person respects to communicate the message.
6. Keep your own sense of self-confidence and don't allow yourself to be verbally abused.

Just my 2cents worth…

Global Warming

Did u realize that weather now has changed so much compared to some 20 years ago when we were small kids?

Recently I was watching a tv show that talks about Global Warming and what are the things that many other people around the world especially kids in their early education system, are doing their parts to safe the environment. Having more outdoor curriculum and monthly exchange of used toys (in good condition) are among the few activities happening in many primary schools in China, Hong Kong and Taiwan.

The same tv show also showed how badly the earth has been damaged by the industries, by human being, by global warming! Temperatures, we are told, are to increase by 3.6 degrees by the middle of the century, resulting in melting glaciers, flooding and choked water supplies that will threaten the livelihood of millions. Crops will fail, we are told, disease will run rampant, rising sea levels and intense droughts will create hundreds of millions of refugees, and up to 40% of species will face extinction. Well lots of these facts we do know them, but we just may not have done our parts to contribute to saving the environment…

I’m one of those idiots whom I don’t think I’ve done much, but I’m gonna start now! Since last month I think, I started to nag hubby to not turn on the air-con unless we really can’t stand the heat. I started nagging him to switch off the lights when we don’t really need them. And we also started bring our own reusable shopping bags when we buy groceries from Jusco across the street.

I’m sure there are a lot more that we can do to contribute in saving the environment, so start somewhere if u have not done so. Start some lil small deeds will do…

Modern relationship

I was catching up with one of my close girlfriend R last week and she told me she needed some advice. Below part of our conversation :

Me :"So how are things with your new boyfriend? Ru enjoying the new relationship?"

R :"Well...I found that he's not too interesting afterall...We went dating as usual, watching movies, having dinners, went shopping, etc, but we dont have much interesting stuff to talk about or to do together! I think he's quite boring!"

Me :"What? Thought u would have found out about this before u even started the relationship with him right?"

R :"Yeah...but I thought things could be different! Anyway I was wrong...So I'm not sure what to do now."

Me :"Well u should just be frank with him, so then both of u wont waste anymore time! Err...unless u'r saying, u guys f***ed already???"

R :"I know u gonna scold me, but....yeeaaahhh...we did it, we f***ed already..."

Wow! I was quite surprise to hear that she actually slept with this guy whom she went out with only for 2 weeks! Well I was surprised obviously becoz she's not the type who will go for ONS (one-nite-stand).

I guess this is so-called the Modern Relationship? U date with this person for awhile, do everything u want, feel happy about it then u continue; if not u step out from the relationship and say, sorry I think u'r not too interesting!

I'm not sure since when our society has became like this, where boy-girl relationship is treated so lightly, mayb a decade ago? But for me, to fall in love with someone is easy, to be in love with someone and to give this person everything u have including your body and that precious moment in bed, is never easy!

Sometimes I cant understand how this "modern relationship" could work out, especially if u'r female, but I guess it's alot to do with the way we were brought up...

***no offence to anyone reading***

Just my 2 cents worth...

Hoping to get pregnant soon...

Followed on from my previous post on a Brand New 2008, there are few things that I'm looking forward to in 2008, one of which is to get pregnant.

I was talking to some friends about 2008, what's our plan and what are we looking forward to and all. When I mentioned about trying for 2nd baby this year, I've got that "look" from ALL of them! Surprised and shocked...

You see...Most things told to us about pregnancy are usually bad...Pregnancy, as the world views it, is nine months of misery! Most people expect a pregnant woman to get depressed, to be moody & blue, to miss her mum and hate her husband, to be an overall basket case for nine months! It's supposed to be a terrible experience for the husband who will have to make every single effort to keep his wife happy because she is sick to her stomach, has morning sickness, craves pickles & ice-cream and hates sex! Then comes to delivery part, or birth, as the world says, should be equally a disaster! So all in all, it's not a pretty picture and certainly not a pleasant experience both for the wife as well as the husband.

Therefore I understand why my friends were giving me that "look" coz all of them are either single or married without kids as yet....

I guess I was blessed during my first pregnancy, so it really wasnt a bad experience. I was actually a very happy pregnant woman! I still remember over-hearing a close colleague of mine telling another person that she has not seen me smiling & laughing away so much in her whole life! hahaha...

My morning sickness was not too bad, just a very very mild one, and I tried many recipes to overcome the terrible feeling of morning sickness. As for craving, I didnt have weird cravings, just lots & lots of mangoes! And that's all I could remember..oh ya! There was this one period of time when I craved for "ham-chin-peng" (a type of chinese pastries) every other day!

During the first trimester, since there was mild morning sickness, I worked from home pretty often. Then throughout the second and third trimester, I dressed up brightly in those pretty clothes with my usual make-up to work everyday, feeling blessed, happy, proud and excited about my pregnancy!

When it was delivery time, no dount there were some worries, but no big deal under God's hand. Contraction started around 5.30pm and baby was delivered at 11.56pm the same day...without epidural, natural birth of our lil bundle of joy!

So why wouldnt I look forward to my 2nd pregnancy? Do I have any reason at all to NOT look forward to it? I know and I believe God is in control of all things, therefore if I'm blessed with a baby, He will take care of me and the baby throughout the pregnancy period...

What makes a good lover?

I've always had this question in me, trying to find out what factors will make me a good lover.... So today I'm just gonna write down my 2 cents worth...

Some people say the key to being a good lover is paying attention, and responding to the other’s verbal and non-verbal signals. Some people say man or woman with great personality and socialable usually makes them great lover too...but I dont really agree...Some people, especially women will say, a sensitive, caring and romantic guy makes a good lover...Some people may even think that good lover means skilled in bed!

I believe it's just one simple thing : CHEMISTRY!

It's just the buzz you get from someone when you’re with them. They may have some of the ‘qualities’ that you find attractive, they may have things in common with you and you enjoy their company, but without that fizz - that excitement you feel in their presence going on between you, I think it just wont work out...

A man usually gets sexually aroused by looking at a magazine, an x-rated movie, large breasts or long legs. His response is immediate and his reactions are physical. For most women, sex is not an immediate reaction. It takes at least 30 minutes for her to become aroused. She also needs to feel emotionally connected to respond in a physical way. For a man to become a great lover, he has to be taught sensitivity, tenderness and patience, otherwise there's no way for both to find the magical chemistry between.

I was reading some forwarded emails and found this interesting para about some pointers for women to remember when judging if your partner is a good lover:

1) A woman gets aroused by words - I don't know any man who goes into a bookstore and buys a gothic novel. Men are much more visual.
2) A man's hormone level is at the highest level in the morning; so many times he wakes up and wants to make love. Her hormone level is highest in the evening and that's why she likes to make love after they've had a lovely evening together.
3) After a couple makes love, a man produces a hormone that puts him to sleep and a woman produces a hormone that makes her wide awake. So she wants to cuddle and there he is snoring! So she thinks, "He's just using me."

The bottom line: we are very different and we need to learn, understand and talk about our differences. IF u cant find the chemistry, then talk about it. You may feel embarrassed the first few times but it's worth it. For a man to become a good lover, it's going to require the woman becoming a good teacher (sometimes vise-versa), then together, find the magical chemistry, and things will work out just fine...

Contentment

Have you ever, at any one time, had the feeling that life is bad, real bad, and you wish you were in another situation? You find life make things difficult for you, work sucks, life sucks, everything seems to go wrong?

After a conversation with one of my friends, he told me despite taking 2 jobs, he brings back barely above 1K per month, he is happy as he is. I wonder how he can be as happy as he is considering he has to skimp his life with the low pay to support a pair of old parents, in-laws, a wife, 2 daughters and the many bills of a household.

He explained that it was through one incident that he saw in India that happened a few years ago when he was really feeling low and touring India after a major setback. He said that right in front of his very eyes he saw an Indian mother chop off her child's right hand with a chopper.
The helplessness in the mother's eyes, the scream of pain from the innocent 4-year-old child haunted him until today....

You may ask why did the mother do so?? Had the child been naughty? Had the child's hand been infected? NO...it was done for two simple words - TO BEG!

The desperate mother deliberately caused the child to be handicapped so that the child could go out to the streets to beg. Taken aback by the scene, he dropped a piece of bread he was eating half-way. And almost instantly, a flock 5 or 6 children swamped towards this small piece of bread which was covered with sand, robbing bits from one another - The natural reaction of hunger!

Stricken by the happenings, he instructed his guide to drive him to the nearest bakery. He arrived at two bakeries and bought every single loaf of bread he found in the bakeries. The owner was dumbfounded but willingly sold everything. He spent less than $100 to obtain about 400 loaves of bread (this is less than $0.25 per loaf) and spent another $100 to get daily ecessities. Off he went in the truck full of bread into the streets. As he distributed the bread and necessities to the children (mostly handicapped) and a few adults, he received cheers and bows from these unfortunate.

For the first time in his life he wondered how people can give up their dignity for a loaf of bread which cost less than $0.25. He began to tell himself how fortunate he is. How fortunate he is to be able to have a complete body, have a job, have a family, have the chance to complain what food is nice and what isn't nice, have the chance to be clothed, have the many things that these people in front of him are deprived of...

Now I begin to think and feel it too after hearing his story. Was my life really bad? Perhaps...no, I should not feel bad at all coz I'm so blessed! What about you?

Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, it is the realization of how much you already have.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything...they just make the most of everything that comes along their way, I believe...

Which beer do u prefer?

Last Friday, I was invited by bunch of friends to the Tuborg launch event in MardiGras bar...For those who may not know Tuborg, it's a beer by Carlsberg. It is apparently the number one beer in Denmark, and is the leading premium beer in several Eastern European countries and in Russia. But in Malaysia, it is not as well-known, so Carlsberg organized a big launch event to create some "rah-rah" around it.

Well it was free flow while stock last, so we had it as soon as we arrived at 7.30pm till around 9.30pm. Then since one of our friends is a Carlsberg Embassador, she bought more Carlsberg beer for us. It was a fun event with some live band singing & hip hop dancing on the stage too....

It has been a while since I last drank so much beer coz I was pregnant since Jan last year, then was breastfeeding for 6-7months, so those were non-alcohol period for me...Now that I can drink alcohol again, I dont usually drink beer coz I'm not a beer person.

But if I'm given no choice but beer only, I'll probably go for Heineken - a beer that’s been brewed in Holland since 1873. Why? Since I'm not a beer-expert, I probably cant describe it to the details, but somehow I prefer the taste of a Heineken beer better. My 2nd choice will probably be Carlsberg and now 3rd will be Tuborg...

What about you? Which beer do u prefer and why?

Does height matter?

I went out clubbing with some friends 2 weeks ago when hubby was not in town. One of my friends M brougth her "new boyfriend-to-be" and introduced to us. He's quite OK-looking, but he was sitting down all night long while we were drinking & dancing away...

Around 1am, M said she's quite tired and wanted to go home, so she & her boyfriend-to-be G came to me to say goodbye. That was when I actually realised that G is shorter than M, quite a bit!

So on the following Monday while M was talking to me over lunch, this topic about G came up...

M said : G is really a nice guy, he is very caring & romantic too. He's very rich & successful on his career at his age, driving a BMer 5series and has another Merc which he offered to let me drive! But u know...he's shorter than me! But does height really matter?

I told M : It depends on your priority! Well if u always think height is one of the criteria to qualify your partner, then this bitter point will be there. But if u think his wealth & kindness is the utmost important and u'r sure that it wont bother u when people talk about his height comparing with yours, then by all means u should go ahead with him! But for me, personally, I've always wanted my partner to be taller than me. I've tried going out with someone with the same heigth where I have to wear flat shoes all the time, and I felt very uncomfortable when we bumped into friends...Maybe I havent really fell in love with him, that's why...

M said : Well, look at the Country GM of MNC 'X', his wife is taller than him! Look at CEO of company 'Y', the wife is so pretty and much taller than him too. They can live happily and the wives can enjoy their lives! I want to be like them too! Have a knowledgable & rich husband, so I wont need to work and can enjoy life! Dont care about the height lar...

I told M : Then u better spend some time seriously thinking about this. U'r talking about spending the rest of your life with this guy or are you talking about just going out with him for a while then decide if everything goes alright? Let's just say everything goes right, are you sure u'r ready to marry someone despite of all kinds of nonsense and "talking" about you guys behind your back?

Guys out there, would u mind if your girlfriend or wife is taller than you? Girls, do u think height really matters? I know some of you girls may say, well I think it's fine for height, as long as this guy loves you and treats you really well. But how often is this true?