Listening with your heart, not your ears...

In the past one whole month I suddenly realised that my hubby has alot of interest in politic matters! Why do I say so? Way before the election on Mar8, he has been reading lots of info regarding the election, the candidates, the parties, etc. Then he will keep me updated on all the latest progress & news...Well I thought this is a once-in-few-years occasion, so that's why he's paying some attention to it, knowing that we are going to make a difference this time!

Then it was after the election...lots & lots of post-election news on new state government, new MP, etc etc. Again, he will surf & read all the latest "gossip" either about BN or the "new govt" and keep me updated. So he will talk and talk about this every time when we get to have a conversation....

1 week, 2 weeks, now almost 3 weeks after the election, nothing has changed. He is STILL talking to me about politics, his opinion, latest gossip etc....I've told him before, that I'm actually not too interested at all these, but since it was the hot topic of everyone, I'm fine to listen to them, but I really dont have much interest....

On another hand, work has been CRAZY for me last 2 weeks! Imust say, being pregnant and having to handle a stressful job with tight timeline & all, is never a easy thing to manage...So I was complaining to hubby on Friday night that I've been having this bad headache for past few days most probably due to lack of sleep & I think I need a break. U know what he said in return? After few moments of silence, he said "hmmm, that's funny..."

WHAT??? FUNNY???

That's the result of listening with your ears and not your heart! I then realised that he was too much into reading some stuff on the net, so while looking at the laptop, he just simply gave me some respond...I got upset and went to sleep straight away...

Infact this was not the first time he's doing this to me! He's a talker, definitely not a good listener. Many of my friends told me lots of guys are like that, but as long as they love u and show love in other manner, dont take this too seriously. Well sometimes this is just easier said than done...Who wants to be unhappy right?

Sometimes what I required of him are just simple things...like caring for me, give me more TLC (tender loving care), listen to me with his heart & support me when I'm not comfortable (especially now that I'm pregnant). I've even taken time to tell him how I feel and not once, but many times, YET he hasnt improved much on this...

Maybe we can never find someone perfect...No doubt he's a good husband in many other areas, a good daddy too, but there's still this lil black dot on the beautiful picture...Or am I just too demanding???

Work friends

I was attending a friend J's wedding dinner last night together with my hubby. This is one of my best friends at work. I dont usually call these friends "colleagues" coz to me, our relationship has gone beyond just "colleagues". I categorize "colleagues" as merely work-related people whom we dont really talk beyond work-related stuff; while work friends are good friends that I made along my working life, whom we dont really talk about work-related stuff, but whole lot more other things around us.

I knew J since I joined this company, but have never been in the same team ever. Somehow we have to visit this university for meetings when we were both new to the company and so we started chatting along the journey each time we go together. Then we got along very well and became close friends. We have another common close friend too, called P, who was already pretty close to J when P joined my team and became close to me. So three of us will always go out lunching together, sometimes all the way driving from Tmn Tun to KL down town or Mid Valley when all 3 of us have some time to spare for longer lunch. We also went treasure hunting together...

Unfortunately P decided to leave the company about 3+ years ago coz he got a much better offer from our competitor. It was painful for me to have to lose a good friend at work. I used to sing "Here without u" when I think of him. But though he has left the company, we still meet up very often at Coffee Beans after work, or meet up for lunch when he's around the area, and mostly without J.

Time flies....In the last 3 years, there has been so much changes to our lives! I've got married in 2006, then P got married beginning of the following year. Our meet-ups then reduced A LOT after we both got married. Then I've got a baby and ofcoz alot more busier, and he has been promoted & got busier too I guess. We hardly meet up anymore...We'll call each other once in a blue moon, but usually just have a short conversation.

Last night P & wife, me & hubby together with other friends were put on the same table for the dinner. Sad to say...P & I hardly spoke to each other...We seemed sooooo like "strangers" to each other. I hate the feeling, and I was sad, though I looked happy on the face mingling with other friends. Sigh...

I guess this is what happens to work friends when u dont put the effort to keep in touch. No matter how close u were, when u left the company & put into new environment, u'll make new friends. Same goes to the one who stayed, no matter how painful was the lost, u'll get adjusted soon & then make new friends! That's why people say "Work friends come & go, dont take it too hard"...

That "something" I would love to do...

If u have been following my blog, u might have realised that I've mentioned about this "something" I would love to do in some of my earlier posts ie. "My Dreams" and the recent one "What is your ultimate end in mind"...

So what is that "something" which I would love to do when I become a part-time housewife?

-> Wedding Planner!

I've always been wanting to be a freelance wedding planner, where I can help the couple in planning, organizing, coordinating and executing a stress-free wedding. As the wedding planner, I'll help the couple in selecting the wedding theme, source for suppliers, advise on venue, prepare timeline & budgeting, plan the entire wedding reception and coordinate the actual wedding day itenary....wow! sounds so challenging!

I fell in love with wedding planning when I started planning for my own about 3 years ago. Plenty of ideas on wedding decoration, wedding flower, wedding cake, invitation, favor, etc...but I could only choose one of each for my own wedding...what a waste!

Last time, people used to think that hiring a wedding planner will be costly, but this is no longer true. This is largely due to the fact that many soon-to-be-wed couples have begun to appreciate the services offered by wedding planners. More importantly, they have realised that by appointing a wedding planner, they will be relieved of a tremendous amount of stress and therefore will be able to better enjoy the months of preparation leading up to that very special day. The list of things-to-do can be overwhelming. This together with the well-meaning but perhaps unsolicited opinions and comments from family and relatives can very possibly drive couples up the wall...This is where a wedding planner can come to the rescue.

Perhaps the most important criteria in selecting a wedding planner would be ‘chemistry’. Being comfortable enough with the planner to have open, honest discussions and to be able to deal with the inevitable bickering every now and then is crucial in order to ensure that the planning process is smooth and to avoid unnecessary misunderstandings.

Well I do hope my last dream can come true one day, where I can be a part-time housewife while becoming a freelance wedding planner...

What's your ultimate end in mind?

Lately I've been getting many calls from different head-hunters, asking me for different jobs in the MNCs of the industry I'm currently in. So I've been meeting up with these head-hunters to further discuss these opportunities...hough I'm not really looking for a job...

Well, some of them I was pretty interested and therefore went to the interviews with hiring managers, but then no news came back. Some others I thought the job was not as interesting or the offer was not attractive, therefore did not proceed with them...

Last night I was telling hubby that coming Monday I'll be home slightly late coz I have another interview downtown. He wasnt really too happy about it.

Hubby said :"Let me ask u this, are you looking for a job now?"

I said :"Not really, but since the opportunity came, no harm trying right?"

Hubby said :"I see that u've been meeting up with recruiters and having few interviews, but they all didnt work out right?"

I said :"Yeah...but I told u why each of them didnt work out whut! I'm really interested at this one which i'm going for interview on Monday."

Hubby said :"My dear, what is your ultimate end in mind? Didnt you tell me that all u want to achieve is to be a part-time housewife, where u can spend time with the kids & meanwhile do that something which u've always wanted to do without worrying about income? Arent we planning for another baby next year? So you are soon gonna be pregnant right? You wanna join a new company & have all those work-stress while u'r pregnant? Dont you like your new job now anymore?"

I said :"But u know what? I think with my capabilities, I can go further than where I am today. Besides, this is an Asia Pacific job and the package will be very attractive I believe."

Hubby said :"So is climbing up the corporate ladder your dream now? Do we need that few thousand dollars to support the family? Shouldnt I be the one worrying about our family financials and do all I can to support the family? I'm the man in this house, so let me do that, will ya?"

I thought for a while and realised : It's true! Why should I always think this new job I'm doing now is keeping me under-utilized? This job drives me crazy when there's project going on, and when there's none, I can work from home & live a stress-free life and spend some quality time with my baby! Yes...less pay, less challenging, but so what?

I'm sure many a times when we face the cross-road, not sure which way to go, we would appreciate someone to remind us of our priorities & dreams....
THANX HONEY!

I would not have survived...

People who knows me may know that I met a terrible car accident 7 years ago, which almost took away my life...But people who are reading sharlydia's blog may not know this had happened to me before and so I decided to put my testimony down in my blog...And BTW please dont think that I'm trying to preach or something, haha!

4th July 2000

It was a fine morning, two days after my convocation when I was driving alone, heading to the kindergarten to pick my niece around 11am. That was all I could remember....

Something terrible happened a moment later…which until today I have no recollection of what had happened. Without knowing what had happened, I woke up in the hospital. I regained consciousness and felt the pain on my face, arms, legs, chest and almost every other parts of my body.

Then someone told me I met a terrible accident! I was shocked and could not really understand how this had happened. My family members were all around me. They looked sad, worried and anxious. They told me that I crashed into a lorry and that my tiny Kancil was totally damaged - beyond repair. Anyone who have seen the badly damaged car would not believe that I survived. No one knew how the accident happened, including myself. My memory got wiped away totally and I could not remember a single thing about the accident. I did not feel any fear or pain. Neither could I even recall what did I collide into nor where did the accident happened.

But whatever happened, I know that I was not driving alone at the time of the accident. God was with me, watching me. And He saved my life. He was in control of everything. Firstly, He arranged a good man to save me out from the car and subsequently contacted my family members. Not only sending me to the hospital, this man also kept all my valuable belongings. This man thought I was dead and that my right hand was broken!

Batch of miracles...
The first miracle that I experienced through this accident was on my wounds. God allowed every wound that happened only in the right places! It was as though they were perfectly measured somehow. Although they were serious wounds, they happened only at the places which otherwise could be a lot worse. The cut on the right side of my face caused my cheekbone to fracture. There was some bad internal bleeding. However, this cut was just few millimetres away from the main vein to my eye! The doctor said I was really fortunate that the cut did not reach the vein, which otherwise would have caused blindness. I also had a big cut on my right arm, which again was “perfectly measured.” The cut was just one or two centimetres away from the bone in my arm!

The internal bleeding caused by the injury on my face required an operation to fix my cheekbone. However, the doctors could not operate me because I had another injury in my lungs, which caused a great pain in my chest whenever I breathed.

According to the doctors, the punctures in my lungs must be closed before the operation on my cheekbone can be performed. Otherwise, another operation has to be performed to close the holes in my lungs first. The situation was crucial at that time as the internal bleeding was getting worse. A lot of church friends, including pastor came to visit me in the hospital and prayed for me. I prayed hard as well…asking God to heal me by closing the holes in my lungs. Again, another miracle happened! The holes miraculously got smaller until the operation on my cheek could be done and was successfully done too.

God strengthened my Faith
After two weeks in the hospital, it was finally time to remove all the bandages on my face. It was really tough for me to accept the fact that one side of my face is now full of large and small scars, reddish & swollen.

It took me a long time to learn how to control my emotions when I talk about the accident. It took me a long time to be brave enough to go out to start meeting people again. I blamed God, when I first saw myself. I asked Him why did this accident have to happen to me?

But soon, I found an answer to my question…God has a plan for me and my future. I know there must be a purpose for Him to allow this to happen to me, but as long as I trust in Him and continue to have faith in Him, He will bless me!

Many years had passed now and I realised I've really been blessed, being married to a man of my dream, having a healthy cute little baby boy, having a good job, living a happy life...My scars have faded alot too so they dont look as obvious as before...Thank God!

Before I end this post, I have to give credit to my hubby (who back then was my boyfriend) and my family members too, for taking good care of me, accompanying me, encouraging & supporting me during the most depressing & miserable time of my life. Thanx for loving me so much!

Part 2 to 'Friend who hurts' - What goes around comes around

I would suggest you to first read Part 1 - 'Friend who hurts' before u start reading this post coz this is the Part 2 of the story...

Few weeks ago during the fasting month, I was invited to a Buka Puasa dinner with few more others colleagues. At first I was considering whether to go or not to go because I found out that this person "L" was also invited. ("L" is the "best friend" I wrote about in 'Friend who hurts' sometime in Aug). But finally I went...and I'm glad that I decided to be there coz eventually I heard lots of gossip about "L"!

When L and myself were very close last time, she was also quite close to this person "J" and both of them used to gossip about me behind my back...Now that I'm no longer close to L, naturally J became L's best friend...They are now well known as "bestest friend" in the company like how people used to associate me & L.

At the Buka Puasa dinner, since both L & J were not there, there were so much about them! There was this new hire N who just joined J's team where J is the teamlead. She got so feddup with J because she got bullied BIG TIME by her. So she was telling all of us about how J has treated her in her first few weeks. Then eventually N also told us, that J said to her that L knows nothing and was all the time depending on other people to get her stuff done...blah blah...

WOW! When I heard this...all in my mind was - WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND! Few of us just smiled to each other coz deep down our hearts, we know this is soooo shameful for L! Her "bestest friend" in the company is talking bad about her behind her back, just like how she did to me!

Sometimes I dont quite understand why do they treat their so-called "best friend" this way...Is this their nature? Is this their habit? Is this their attitude towards friends? I dont know...For me, this is definitely not something I'll do to my friends.

About "sharlydia"

I'll leave the last part of Europe trip to another day...why? Coz I felt like sharing with you about "sharlydia"...

Yes, sharlydia is me, but it's actually not my real name, it's just my name in this blogsphere! So how did "sharlydia" come about? What made me decided on this as my blogging identity?

Simple...
"shar" is part of my name and some people or friends do call me "shar".

"lydia" is the title of a song by F.I.R which I really like.

So when u put them together, it's "sharlydia"!

Some friends actually knew that I blog, but they dont really get to read my blog coz I have no intention of sharing it with anyone who knows me personally. Then they asked:"So why do u blog then if u dont let us read?" Well, my answer is simple - I dont blog to get famous or something and I just want to have a channel to voice out how I feel and write things that are in my mind which I may not want to tell anyone!

I treat this blog like my lil diary where I'm hoping to read this some many years later to refresh on things that has happened, be it small matter or a conversation I once had with some old friends...

my EX-love...

I was just reading a post in ardy's blog about his previous long-distance relationship which did not work out....and this reminded me of my own story about an ex-relationship...

I was in Secondary school (Form4) back then in my hometown when I started the relationship with this guy "S", who was same age as me but studying in another school. I was introduced to him by another friend whom I met at the tuition class! S was quite a shy guy but he was really nice to me...before we even started the relationship, he's already buying gifts for me, send me flowers, etc...after sometime being friends, we started our "relationship". Since we were both quite young that time, our relationship was soooooo "pure", haha! We only hold hands and occasionally some kissing in action!

One year later when we were in Form 5, he got his driving license and started driving the family care. So now i have a "private" driver who would drive me to & fro tuition, supper, etc...ALL without parents knowing it! WOW!!! Haha...my parents were very against love-relationship while studying...

2 years in love, we have never had major arguement and we would never get to fight because he will always let me have the last say...He was so loving, caring, understanding. etc...But the relationship still did not work out at the end...

It's time to get into pre-u and his parents wanted him to continue study in Singapore but my parents wanted me to come to KL since my sisters were all already here. He said he will come & join me after his study in Singapore and told me to wait for him coz he's confident that the long-distance relationship will work out. So we were seperated...He missed me sooo much that he called every day to talk to me in length (wonder how much phone bills he had paid). He sent me thousands of those very special cards and love letters, which I kept them until the day before I moved into my new home with my hubby....I would love to continue keeping them, but I'm affraid my hubby will be jealous if he sees it one day...Besides calling & sending cards & letters, he came to KL almost every other month over the weekend just to visit me...

Well this did not last long...About 10 months later, I fell in love with someone else! This person was there when I needed someone to care for me the most and needed some encouragement. I must admit....I was selfish back then....So during his last trip visiting me in KL, I told him I couldnt wait for him for another year coz I've fallen in love with another guy....I appologized thousand times & cried like mad too coz I really felt sad to have to let go of such a good guy, and have to hurt him so badly...

We were still in touch after the break-up, even until today...He continued his life in Singapore and had 2 girl-friends within the last 10 years, planning to get married next year. I've moved on with my life too ofcoz, with the guy I've chosen over S. After 9 years in the relationship with him after breaking up with S, we got married and had our lil bundle of joy Sept last year.

I cannot judge whether i've made the best choice or not 10 years ago, leaving S for my hubby, coz it's unfair for me to compare S with my hubby now. But I can definitely say:"I've made the right choice of my life and i've never regreted it so far."

My deams...

I'm sure everyone has their own dreams, whether practical or realistic or not, they are still dreams!

I personally have 3...alot huh? haha...

Those who know me personally will know that I LOVE kids! I used to work in Club Med Cherating during holiday breaks, managing the kids sent by their parents to the Kids Club. I also used to take my nieces & nephew out for movies (cartoon ie. Ice Age etc), cruise-library visit, Mc Donald's, church, etc. I love spending time with them...So I told myself, one day I MUST have my own kids - so that's my 1st dream....

Status?

Many years after having this dream, I finally achieved it last year when I got my baby boy! And I feel that he's the cutest person in this world now...haha!

There was this TV show which I watched when I was very very young, about this couple who met in Rome, Italy...how they fell in love, how they missed each other during their first & last date & lost contact of each other, and finally how they bumped into each other in the home country again after many years and still in love with each other, they finally got married. Somehow after watching the show, I've always been dreaming to visit Rome - so that's my 2nd dream...

Status?

I guess I'm really lucky to have a lovely husband who knew that I have this dream and is planning for a trip to visit Rome & Paris with me next month! HOORAY!!! So that means I'll be achieving my 2nd dream very soon!

I always admire those woman who can be a housewife, so then they wont need to handle crappy bosses, irritating colleagues & all. But if u ask me, I may not want to be a full-time housewife either, coz then I'll probably lose touch with things and become a boring person soon! My whole wardrobe of pretty office clothes will go to waste...and I wont be able to show-off some fashion in the workplace! So...I always think, if one day I can be a part-time housewife where I dont stay at home 24 hours to take care of my baby & housework, and I get to do something I've been wanting to do, wow...how nice! By then, I'll have almost zero stress, enjoying time with my baby as when I want it, meet people while doing the "own business" which i've been wanting to start doing...PERFECT! So...that's my 3rd dream...

Status?

Well, I'm still dreaming, obviously! haha...

So, what do you dream — dreams of achievement or fantastic imagined worlds? Dreaming about getting married with Mariah Carey or Richard Gear? Dreaming of becoming a millionare?

Who moved my cheese?

I recently changed job role in the same company which is a norm in the company that I work for, where there's great amount of diversity. Infact this is not the first time I've changed role since I've been with the company for many years, but I've always been changing roles within marketing function, from country marketing to regional marketing, etc. So I've never felt the "change" so much until I joined this new team few weeks ago...

Though I was the one who initiated this change since I wasnt too happy with my ex-boss, I still relatively feel uneasy...I find it difficult to adapt to this new job function since it's something really different from marketing management, which is my CORE skills! This job now involves a lot of processes and I need to be extra detailed and extra thorough.

Someone just came asking me yesterday how am I doing with my new job.
I said : "Still a lot to learn....struggling, but trying to enjoy it at the same time!"
She replied : "Positiive attitude will carry you far. Nothing beats working with your difficult ex-boss!"
I said : " Yeah! Struggling with people is equally tough compared to struggling with the job function, but good thing is - struggling with people will never end, and struggling with the job, it takes only some time to get through."

Infact it reminds me of a book which I've read many years ago - Who Moved My Cheese! (Bet many of you have read this book before) This is a simple comic-style book that talks about coping changes in our lives. I took out the book and re-read it few days ago...to remind myself of the attitude I should have while coping with this change that's happening to me now at work. Moving out from the comfort zone is never easy, but like Haw said in the book :"When u move beyond your fear, u'll feel free!" And you can only adapt to the change when u start enjoying the journey to that change.

I hope it will not take me too long to find my new cheese station, so I can start enjoying those "cheese" again and be comfortable for a while...

Appreciating his love...

There are just too many bloggers talking about Namewee the dude who gone into trouble by singing the "new version" of Negaraku...So i decided to just make sure i hold my breath & not blogging anything about this guy....

Over the weekend during a lunch with a close friend, we were talking about our marriage, our new babies and also some gossip about our MILs (mother-in-laws). At the same time, we also talked about our husbands...yes, our lovely husbands!

After the long conversation with her, I suddenly realised that I should appreciate my dearly hubby a lot more! Infact my hubby is never a romantic person, so he doesnt tell u how pretty you are when u dress up for a dinner, he doesnt believe in buying flowers, he will not plan for special romatic dinner for anniversaries, he doesnt say I LOVE U often, he doesnt come home with lil surprises and all...BUT, he's definitely someone who loves me very very much!

Why am I so sure about that?

Many years ago when I met a serious accident which almost took away my life, he was there for me throughout the difficult time. He was among the first to get to the hospital, and was shocked to find out about my condition, but he stayed there and did not "run away"...Through the 2 weeks in hospital and subsequent 2 months at home, he came visiting me every single day without fail....It was a painful time for me both physically and mentally, but he was sooo encouraging! I must say, for someone who's as good looking as him, he could have just leave me and go look for another better looking girl and get married happily ever after. But he decided to stay...And 2 years ago we got married, I must say, he's by far the best hubby and now with our baby, he's truely a fantastic daddy!

Over lunch with my close friend, she reminded me by saying :

"U know, not many people get to go through such difficult time with someone u love and most importantly, this love one did not leave u andwas there for you throughout the toughest time of your life! Many couples fall in love and get married and have kids and just live their normal lives without such an experience, which is good and bad for them. Why good? Because they wont need to go through the pain and the heart breaking moments. Why bad? Because they wont get to experience such LOVE which will last forever in their lives! So u should really appreciate your hubby..."

Sooooo true! And I really wanna tell him that :
I LOVE YOU MY DEAR! AND I REALLY APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE FOR ME SO FAR...THANX FOR BEING THERE!

Friend who hurts

Have u ever been "betrayed" by a friend whom u thought is your best friend? Well I'm sure many may say : "YES!" Why? Because there are simply too many of these people who are selfish and they are like fake monsters!

Few years ago when this girl joined the same company as me, I was assigned as her mentor at work in the same department. At a regional offsite planning session in Singapore after she joined for a month, she mentioned this remark during a small group break-up discussion time about motivation at work :

"To me, my mentor is like my motivation! She's like the most energetic person in the office but despite of her busyness, she's always there to help answer my questions..."

Wow! I was touched and I felt soooo good about it! At least she appreciates what i'm doing...

Very soon after that we became the closest friend ever in the office and many people who always bump into us together will say :"Wah, 2 of you always together wherever u go hor?" Haha...Yeah! And we talk almost about anything and everything...We roomed-mate each other at company offsite events and went clubbing together...She even volunteered to be chief "chi-mui" for my wedding ceremony! And ofcoz, we had lots of fun together at the "wild" hens nite....

I thought too, that i've found my "best" friend in the company after my previous best friend left to join our competitor...

Guess what? On my wedding day, this "best friend" did not turn up on time and she was late for more than an hour! When she got to my house, the whole process of "zhip san leong" was done and we were all taking pictures already...Luckily i had a bunch of spontaneous chi-muis and so the whole thing went alright despite of the hiccup that the chief was not there. Was I mad at her? At that very moment, YES! But it was my wedding day, so i let it go & wanna enjoy the rest of the long day with fun & joy....When i returned to office after my 2 weeks honeymoon break, I decided to put this whole unhappy incident behind my back, and so my "best friend" and I were just back to normal - talk & laugh together, lunch together etc....

Until one fine day few months ago, when few of us colleagues were talking, these people started talking bad about my "best friend" and naturally i defended her! Then this guy who's also my close friend, started shouting at me saying :

"Hey! Stop defending her lar! She has never treated u as her best friend ok? She has been bad-mouthing about u all these while! We all just didn't want to tell u coz we know u'll get hurt badly! But i really cant help it now...seeing u still so silly, thinking that she's ur "best friend"!"

U know what? I really really felt like i've been thrown down from some 20th floor and feel like killing myself!!! It hurts soooo badly & I cried...Someone whom i've helped so much in her career & work said that I'll always bully new colleagues, and lots of other negative things....I cried BADLY!

Then subsequently, many close friends came telling me about things that this "best friend" has said to them, asking me not to be too sad, just let it go...I thought about it for many days & this really bothered me...I could have confronted her, but i did not do so. Finally I decided to just stop initiating conversation with her, but will still respond if she talks to me....

I believe what goes around comes around....I've met many many more close friends in the company and we always have fun & laughters together. What happened to her? She's now left all alone with limited friends to even go out lunching with...how sad...