Wednesday, December 19, 2007

What makes a good lover?

I've always had this question in me, trying to find out what factors will make me a good lover.... So today I'm just gonna write down my 2 cents worth...

Some people say the key to being a good lover is paying attention, and responding to the other’s verbal and non-verbal signals. Some people say man or woman with great personality and socialable usually makes them great lover too...but I dont really agree...Some people, especially women will say, a sensitive, caring and romantic guy makes a good lover...Some people may even think that good lover means skilled in bed!

I believe it's just one simple thing : CHEMISTRY!

It's just the buzz you get from someone when you’re with them. They may have some of the ‘qualities’ that you find attractive, they may have things in common with you and you enjoy their company, but without that fizz - that excitement you feel in their presence going on between you, I think it just wont work out...

A man usually gets sexually aroused by looking at a magazine, an x-rated movie, large breasts or long legs. His response is immediate and his reactions are physical. For most women, sex is not an immediate reaction. It takes at least 30 minutes for her to become aroused. She also needs to feel emotionally connected to respond in a physical way. For a man to become a great lover, he has to be taught sensitivity, tenderness and patience, otherwise there's no way for both to find the magical chemistry between.

I was reading some forwarded emails and found this interesting para about some pointers for women to remember when judging if your partner is a good lover:

1) A woman gets aroused by words - I don't know any man who goes into a bookstore and buys a gothic novel. Men are much more visual.
2) A man's hormone level is at the highest level in the morning; so many times he wakes up and wants to make love. Her hormone level is highest in the evening and that's why she likes to make love after they've had a lovely evening together.
3) After a couple makes love, a man produces a hormone that puts him to sleep and a woman produces a hormone that makes her wide awake. So she wants to cuddle and there he is snoring! So she thinks, "He's just using me."

The bottom line: we are very different and we need to learn, understand and talk about our differences. IF u cant find the chemistry, then talk about it. You may feel embarrassed the first few times but it's worth it. For a man to become a good lover, it's going to require the woman becoming a good teacher (sometimes vise-versa), then together, find the magical chemistry, and things will work out just fine...

8 comments:

zewt said...

eh... did you put a santa song in your blog?

anyway... the x-factor is everything... and that is chemistry... as you've mentioned.

sharlydia said...

zewt - nolar, how to add music to my blog oso i haven learnt lar, hahaha!

Daniel said...

hi Sharlydia, i totally agree with u on this.. Chemistry is the main thing between 2 persons...

hcfoo said...

Oh i love chemistry ;) Merry X'mas and Happy Holiday!

mumsgather said...

Peek-a-boo. Just dropping by to wish you a Happy New Year 2008. May you have a great year ahead. Cheers!

sharlydia said...

daniel - haha! I'm sure many will agree with me...

hcfoo - Happy 2008!

mumsgather - thx & Happy New Year to you too!

Dio Brando said...

Not sure if I understand what kind of lover are u talking about but it sees like we are talking about in bed.

Well what I believe is to be a gd lover would be to understand what your partner wants n it not always about sex... somethings just cuddling up together is just as gd a feeling.

And if its about sex than it should be about satifying your partner before self.

sharlydia said...

dio - i meant overall good lover in my post, not just in bed lar...