FINDING & KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER - PART 2

QUESTION ..5: Is there anything I'm hoping to change about this person after we're married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to "improve" them after they're married. If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them. In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating, to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with
a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble because you didn't do your homework!

Another perspective....

There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance....
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.

Observe the relationships around you. Pay attention....
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't really
understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of mind, love and truth around you...the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

Bottom line : Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as faults aren't really that important.

Do you bring out the best in each other?
Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?
What do you bring to the relationship?
Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past mistrust, past pain?
You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and "a life"; you
won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG ARE:
1. TRUST
2. COMMUNICATION
3. INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING TASKS
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it....

Inspired by an email...FINDING AND KEEPING A LIFE PARTNER

Maybe I've been giving lotza advice these days to some good single girl friends around me, this email really came to my attention. And ofcoz I myself am really keen to KEEP a life partner like my hubby....

This is a looooong one, so I've decided to break this into 2 parts so that u wont get too bored and that u'll have something to look out for in this blog tomorrow...hehe!

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!

If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're getting married, they'll say: "We're in love". But truly, I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date. Though this may sound "not politically correct", there's a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again: "You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone". You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're serious about finding and keeping a life partner:

QUESTION ..1: Do we share a common life purpose?

Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common Life purpose.
Two things can happen in a marriage:
(1) You can grow together, or
(2) you can grow apart.
To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life and marry someone who wants the same thing.

QUESTION ..2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust i.e. trust that I won't get "punished", or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings.

Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION ..3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions:
- Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis?
- Are they serious about improving themselves?
- What do they do with their time?

- Is this person materialistic?

There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort

Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION ..4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give another person pleasure. Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To measure
this, think about the following:
- How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters?

- How do they treat their parents and siblings?
- Do they have gratitude and appreciation?

You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly, will eventually treat you poorly as well.

TO BE CONTINUED...
...by Dov Heller, M.A

I'M PREGNANT!

God answered my prayer! THANK YOU JESUS!!!

I was praying & praying the last few months to get pregnant around this time, so I can have my 2nd baby around Sept this year. Why? Coz my elder baby was born in Sept 2 years ago! Simple as that...

About 2 weeks ago when I missed the mentral, hubby bought me the self-pregnancy-test, and guess what? The result was like...not clear! Coz if u'r pregnant, there should be 2 solid Red lines. For my case, it was one red line with another pink line...so....

Then I got really busy in a project and finally when it was over, we made appointment with the gynae today, and she confirmed that I'M PREGNANT! The scan was really clear, where we also heard the heartbeat, though only at 6 weeks! I was impressed with the new scanner machine my gynae has in her clinic though...haha!

Infact I've started feeling it coz nausea attacked me already last week, morning sickness kicked in and I felt extremely tired all the time....True enough like many people told me, every pregnancy will be a whole new different experience, my morning sickness and nausea are worse this time compared to my 1st pregnancy...Guess all I have to do is to pray harder so God will continue to bless me and take me through a smooth pregnancy again.

I'm excited! So is my hubby! And we really thank God for such wonderful blessing!

Work-life balance?

I havent been writing for more than a week, and this is probably the longest break I've taken off from blogsphere since I started Aug last year, except the break I took when I went to Europe...

Work has been crazy the last 2 weeks, and I really mean CRAZY! I guess work has never been as crazy as this ever before to me for the past 7 years in the company. Maybe it's the nature of this current job that I'm in, which is very different from what I've been doing in the past, so this crazy long working hours is like...unavoidable!

In this current job, it's like "project-based". So when there's no "project"assigned, then I'll have more time, but when there's mega "project" going on, it's unbelievable...

I always believe in work-life balance and the MNC I work for also encourages work-life balance. But when you are engaged in such "project" where a lot of your work will be depending on other team members who always submit things late and pushing the timeline tighter and tighter, and end up having to work overnight without any sleep for the last few days, beating the dateline, where can u find work-life balance?

Anyway the "project" is now over, dateline was last Friday and I was practically sleeping throughout Friday afternoon & Sat. Also went to Genting with hubby & baby on Sunday, came back today since I've taken few days off from work to spend some time with family....

Before I end this post, I would like to thank Daniel who has given me the Bloggers of The World 2007 2008 Award. This is my first award since I started blogging Aug last year and I'm really really happy!

Hoping to get pregnant soon...

Followed on from my previous post on a Brand New 2008, there are few things that I'm looking forward to in 2008, one of which is to get pregnant.

I was talking to some friends about 2008, what's our plan and what are we looking forward to and all. When I mentioned about trying for 2nd baby this year, I've got that "look" from ALL of them! Surprised and shocked...

You see...Most things told to us about pregnancy are usually bad...Pregnancy, as the world views it, is nine months of misery! Most people expect a pregnant woman to get depressed, to be moody & blue, to miss her mum and hate her husband, to be an overall basket case for nine months! It's supposed to be a terrible experience for the husband who will have to make every single effort to keep his wife happy because she is sick to her stomach, has morning sickness, craves pickles & ice-cream and hates sex! Then comes to delivery part, or birth, as the world says, should be equally a disaster! So all in all, it's not a pretty picture and certainly not a pleasant experience both for the wife as well as the husband.

Therefore I understand why my friends were giving me that "look" coz all of them are either single or married without kids as yet....

I guess I was blessed during my first pregnancy, so it really wasnt a bad experience. I was actually a very happy pregnant woman! I still remember over-hearing a close colleague of mine telling another person that she has not seen me smiling & laughing away so much in her whole life! hahaha...

My morning sickness was not too bad, just a very very mild one, and I tried many recipes to overcome the terrible feeling of morning sickness. As for craving, I didnt have weird cravings, just lots & lots of mangoes! And that's all I could remember..oh ya! There was this one period of time when I craved for "ham-chin-peng" (a type of chinese pastries) every other day!

During the first trimester, since there was mild morning sickness, I worked from home pretty often. Then throughout the second and third trimester, I dressed up brightly in those pretty clothes with my usual make-up to work everyday, feeling blessed, happy, proud and excited about my pregnancy!

When it was delivery time, no dount there were some worries, but no big deal under God's hand. Contraction started around 5.30pm and baby was delivered at 11.56pm the same day...without epidural, natural birth of our lil bundle of joy!

So why wouldnt I look forward to my 2nd pregnancy? Do I have any reason at all to NOT look forward to it? I know and I believe God is in control of all things, therefore if I'm blessed with a baby, He will take care of me and the baby throughout the pregnancy period...

Brand New 2008

A new chapter, a new journey, a new story, a new commitment...A BRAND NEW YEAR - 2008!

Let's make sure it brings :

New Hope, New successes, New achievements, New fat bank accounts

Above was one of the many SMSes I've received on New Year's eve & New Year day...thought it's quite true to me, coz if our "2nd-baby-project" is successful, then hubby & I shall have a really challenging 2008, yet new joy and happiness in this new chapter of life! We gonna have new stories to tell, and have new achievements!

As for work, since hubby & I both started our new jobs Aug last year, and till now still struggling through the changes & differences, we are both hoping that 2008 will come with new hope and new successes, that we both may achieve new heights in our career...

Also, Hubby & I both felt that we have gone astray from God last year, maybe due to our busy-ness with young baby around, maybe due to our work...But whatever excuse it may be, I'm hoping & praying that we could draw closer to God once again, not just physically, but mentally & emotionally....We do attend church every Sunday with baby around, we do sing praises, we do pray with baby everyday, but somehow I believe something has gone missing in our hearts...May God be gracious to us and lead us back to the flock in 2008!

I've been tagged - Monthly Flavors

Rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them

2. Copy-paste the traits for all the twelve months

3. Pick your month of birth & Highlight the traits that apply to you

4. Tag 6 of your friends

5. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve done it!

Thanx Daniel, for tagging me, so now u passed the headache to me huh! haha...

My birth month is

Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

THE MONTHLY FLAVORS, WHICH ARE YOU?

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people’s flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.

FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.

MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves traveling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.

APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people’s problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.

MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves traveling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.

JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.

JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people’s mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.

OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn’t pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.

DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

OK, I really dont have so many "friends" in this blogsphere, so I'm sorry but to tag u guys lor...

1. zewt

2. hcfoo

3. cbenc12

4. seal in astral

5. natasha

6. spikey